A Moment of Happiness

November 17, 2015April 23, 2020 / betstravelsabout / 7 Comments

Our house this autumn from the back looking toward the sea.

With all the horrible stuff happening in the world every day, it’s no surprise to hear that many people are beginning to lose hope. Is it any wonder that depression is on the rise as we are bombarded with negativity from all fronts? Natural disasters due to climate change, famines, government deficits, corruption, growing disparity between the rich and poor, Isis and the growing threat of terrorism, dealing with the deluge of refugees looking for a safe haven, not to mention smaller crimes of passion, rape, and theft are making an endless list. At times it does appear that our world is facing one of its darkest hours. But before this becomes too depressing let’s consider that our planet has seen dark periods before when culture and learning declined from about the 6th to the 12th century A.D. during what was called the “Dark Ages”. We must remind ourselves that this dark period eventually waned to give way to the light once again.

The main question is how do we as individuals cope with all this bad stuff? I expect the answers to such a question are as varied as the people who take the time to consider it. One common solution is to turn off the TV and quit reading newspapers which some are doing but is that really all we can do and is it enough? I don’t think it is because I think we need to know what is happening in the world. Without the facts how can we as citizens make informed choices regarding not only our personal lives but for the betterment of our society? Based on my own personal experiences and the knowledge I have gained from teachers, reading, and conversations, I have discovered that the answer is really quite simple and can be summed up in one word: LOVE.

In its broader context, it is about each of us making the choice to live our life out of love rather than fear. I have a difficult time accepting the fact that the world will ever reach a point where all of us will ever make such a choice. There are some who feel this will eventually happen with the appearance of the Maitreya ( a World Teacher) heralding in a long stretch of peace with no wars. If you Google Share International, you can touch base with the organization and learn more. To me this is idealism to the extreme. Do we not have to have the yin and the yang or the positive and the negative to balance things out? It’s all much food for thought. All each of us can do is make a choice to lead our life driven by the one or the other. If we choose love then we need to look within and accept ourselves, flaws and all. This is called self-love and where the journey begins. If we can take this first step and really work at it, then we can truly love others and the world around us. This makes perfect sense to me and is my answer for combating depression and, thus, contributing in a small way to helping our ailing planet with its multitude of problems. Those of us who accept this premise can be examples not only to our families and friends but all the other people we will meet on our life’s journey.

If we choose to conduct our life from a base of fear, then we will hinder our personal growth and basically retrench. We won’t be using our talents or creativity to the extent we can and most probably will become bored with life. We certainly won’t be leaving much of an impression to our children and grandchildren. No thank you, this would not be my choice.

So if we choose love as our goal, then how do we get there? As I have already stated it has to begin by taking a good look at what makes us tick and be willing to do something about the parts we don’t like. I know that this can be scary stuff for many because I have met more than my fair share of people over my life time who won’t go there. After all it requires that we change things in our lives and risk losing old support systems which in many cases have become simply crutches. Self-love is the first step and it won’t come to us on a silver platter or from others. After facing our ‘shadow’ (a Carl Jung term) or that negative part of our personality, we can then begin the journey. This may come easy for some but for many of us, myself included, it becomes a life-long journey. We may stumble, or fall, or even give up for a while. Some of us may not achieve it in this life time and will have to come back and try again in the next one. This picture gets clearer by the day to me as I see similar messages on Facebook, or in such books as the one I am presently reading by Gary Zukav entitled Soul to Soul. The overall theme of his book is that we must create our own authentic power through aligning our personalities with our souls. We can do this by acknowledging the negative part of our personality that causes destructive actions and be willing to change that to positive actions. In other words, we can choose to live a life of revenge or compassion. None of this is easy as I have discovered, but it’s certainly worth a try because I would rather be a patient, kind, and loving person as opposed to one who is seen as impatient, selfish, and hateful.

Having said all this, I would like to share with you the learning I have gained since I started on this journey of striving to live a life with love rather than fear:

I have learned that I must slow down and take time to revel in some of the simple things in life. One of the simple things for me is to take delight in all the nature around me. Recently when I stopped to look out my living room window shortly after rising to greet a new day, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of utter happiness. There before me was a sunny, autumn day showcasing the orange and golds of the trees across the road, the white picket fence of our neighbour, and in the distance the deep blue of the sea and the Point Prim lighthouse. Where did this feeling actually come from? Was it triggered by the view from my window or was it something on a grander scale such as a sign or message from the Universe? I like to think it was a sign from the Universe because it happened when I was in a negative state of mind and feeling despondent about letting go of things which no longer served any purpose in my life. I am certain that this brief moment of total joy was sent to remind me that I had so much to be thankful for. It helped me to understand that being happy has much to do with living in the moment and not sifting through the past or anticipating a future which hasn’t even arrived. It’s about seizing such a blissful moment and savouring it for all it’s worth because those moments can be rare.
View from my living room window taken in November weeks after my “Happy Moment”

Looking over Digby Gut to Point Prim.

Another learning is that we mustn’t be afraid to open up our hearts and sometimes take that risk of having them broken. Although this can be a painful experience, on the other hand, it can help us to grow stronger and better by viewing the cause of our pain with compassion rather than revenge. If we are into self growth many people we meet will disappoint us so we must be careful to not become bitter about that. However, there will always be those who are on the same path as ourselves, so if we listen to the Universe and keep on living a life based on love, we will eventually meet up with them.

I have also learned more about trust – with myself, others, and, of course, the Universe. I have to trust that I can accomplish any task or project I take on to the best of my ability at the time. If I fail then let it be a learning experience rather than give up on it. I have to trust in others that they will be there for me when they are needed, and that I not be afraid to ask for help or give it in return when asked. Finally, to trust in the Universe that my life will unfold just as it is meant to and that there is always some thing or one looking out for me. This latter idea of someone there to look over me is hugely important when I am travelling on my own.

My final thought or learning on how to operate out of love is to get involved with people no matter how they may have let me down in the past. Finding compatible groups of people is always a challenge, but I have found that all groups have their positive aspects if I approach them with love rather than fear. We need people no matter where we are so choose to not give up on them.

For me the most difficult part of loving myself has been knowing when to let go of that part of my life which no longer serves me well. This can be old beliefs, habits, jobs, people or things. Over time, I have let go of many things but not easily. There was always much angst involved. I tend to hang on too long because I am an idealist who hopes the situation or person will change for the better. Or maybe it’s because I won’t have to be responsible for making a decision that could be risky at best. It’s also been about the fear of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. Let’s just say that letting go wouldn’t have been so agonizing if I had only listened to my heart. In the end, the decision always got made one way or the other, and I must give myself credit for being brave enough to do something. I can honestly say, however, that once done a wonderful sense of freedom always followed. Letting go of the old put me in that realm of new possibilities which is always exhilarating. To me this is what keeps life interesting and may allow for those wonderful moments of pure happiness.

October scenes of Victoria Beach.

The Fundy Rose ferry at dock in Digby taken from Victoria Beach.

A Recipe for Ageing

October 25, 2015April 23, 2020 / betstravelsabout / 7 Comments

With the advent of my 70th birthday this summer and a recent invitation to my 50th class reunion at Mount Allison University in the spring of 2016, the prospect of ageing has been much on my mind. I’ve also been told by more than one psychic that I will live well into my 90’s. Yikes! Moreover, it’s difficult to not think about ageing when looking in the mirror every day or seeing people around me coming down with strange illnesses. My friends and I make jokes about it vowing to never give in to it as our parents did. Not for us the canes, walkers, or, heaven forbid, a nursing home! No way! If we are going to live longer than any previous generation then we want to be healthy so we can enjoy it to the max. We want it all! If we should get sick and have to depend on outside help, we joke about getting a gun or pills or better still get someone to put us in a boat and send us out to sea. All joking aside, however, we know this is not the answer so we worry about how we are going to deal with our remaining years or as some are calling it – our third act in the play of life. Our parents called them “the golden years” but found out they weren’t so golden when they realized what it all entailed.

In a recent article in our daily newspaper, The Chronicle Herald, Jan Wong writes that North America needs to take a more natural approach to ageing instead of resorting to hair dyes, Botox, and tummy tucks. In her words, we need “a cultural revolution on how to grow old”. I think she might be on to something.

So here we are, we women of 60 plus in years, vowing to never check into a nursing home (assisted living might be fine if we can afford it) and wanting to remain healthy so we can maintain our independence. As far as I am concerned, to achieve this we need to be creative about it and work at it or as Wong says initiate a cultural revolution. It won’t just happen unless we are one of the lucky ones like my husband who has inherited a good set of genes. He just turned 80 and is still going strong despite adopting the kind of healthy life style I am advocating. Here is my recipe for healthy longevity.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that we need to open up our minds to what some of the alternatives could be as opposed to relying totally on the medical field which is heavy into using drugs to fix every problem our poor old bodies might develop. This can work for some if they have good medical care and a health plan but for many it doesn’t always work. With prolonged use of multiple drugs, the user’s health often deteriorates resulting in the walkers, wheelchairs, and assisted nursing care which we all want to avoid.

Personally, I prefer to meet the challenge of ageing by using a little prevention, and so over the years I have probably spent a small fortune on supplements and herbs as one way to keep me healthy. In addition to that, I try to eat a balanced diet striving to avoid fast foods and anything that comes in a can or a box. This is very difficult when travelling with Hubby who definitely likes his fast food treats and will use any excuse to get them. While at home, I try to make our meals from scratch as much as I can. My little vegetable garden in the summer helps me to do this.

My vegetable garden.

Perennial garden

Summer hydrangea

I recently heard Dick Van Dyke, who is now in his 89th year, being interviewed on CBC’s “Q” morning show. He has just written yet another book on the subject of ageing, and his answer to dealing with it is to “keep moving”. He suffers from arthritis throughout his body but refuses to give in to the pain so just keeps moving. He was asked whether he includes romance and sex as one of his physical activities to which he didn’t hesitate to respond that he married his younger wife four years ago after losing his last wife – not to mention many of his friends. Losing those closest to him was one of the most difficult things he’s had to deal with so his answer was to just keep on dancing with his wife to the tune of life.

What do I do to keep active besides gardening and keeping my house presentable? For many years, I have been doing my own brand of yoga at home which includes interesting postures and lots of stretching. In addition, I try to walk up and down the hills in our little village. However, I can do so much more when I am away travelling because then I usually find myself in the city with no car. To keep within my budget and to get my much-needed exercise, I use my feet instead of taxis or public transportation for moving around.

Good, now we have taken care of how to keep our bodies healthy, but what about our minds? So much of our behaviour stems from what is going on in our heads. We need to open up our minds and try to see things from a different perspective. Then we can change some of our old beliefs that may no longer serve us very well. One way to do this as I have discovered is through travel. I love seeing new countries that are different from Canada, learning their history and observing how they are living today. Although language is often a barrier, I try to learn as much as I can by finding those who do speak my language or just reading books about whatever country I am visiting.

For those people who haven’t the will or the way to travel, they can stimulate their minds by reading and most importantly get out and about. They can volunteer their services to the community in some area which suits their skills and interests. Some are seeking part-time jobs or setting up their own businesses. We just need to make the effort to get out and join up with others in whatever way we can. We mustn’t stay at home and do nothing feeling like our lives are over.

I am fine when I am travelling as I meet so many interesting people and see so many new sights, but when I get back to Victoria Beach for up to seven months I must find more than just my home and garden to keep my body and mind occupied. This has been a challenge. I have tried working for others such as, at a local coffee shop, an antique store, and a short stint for Efficiency Nova Scotia promoting energy-saving light bulbs. I even tried hiring myself out as a healer in Reiki and chakra balancing but none of these really worked for me. Today I have discovered that I am happiest at work that is related to my travels which has resulted in a small import business and my blog writing.

Stimulating our mental state can help develop a positive attitude towards life if we haven’t already got one. Not everyone sees the glass as “half full” because they are not genetically inclined or simply have not been wired this way. Again by changing our thought patterns, we can change our perspective and begin to see things in a more positive light. It’s all got to do with those thoughts. I am not saying it’s easy to change them, but it can be done consciously by choosing what we think and say, and if it’s negative be aware of it and let it go. We can change that negative thought into something positive. If it’s pouring rain outside and we see it as ruining our day, then it will. Why not look at something positive about it such as how it could be the perfect day to curl up with a good book and read, or whatever else we enjoy doing? Get busy instead of sitting and thinking about how miserable it is outside. For those people who suffer from lack of light, then turn on the lights to brighten up your home. For every negative thought think something positive instead. If we do this every time we are feeling negative, it will become easier over time. Guaranteed! A positive attitude goes a long way towards fending off depression.

The third and final component we need to nurture if we are going to help this process of ageing is the spiritual. We all have a soul and we need to feed it. The traditional way for us to do that was to attend church every Sunday. Today this is losing favour with most people for many reasons but there are other ways we can do this for our soul. One of them is to never stop growing. We need to keep learning not only about our external world but about ourselves. Who are we and what is it we are passionate about? These are questions I know that I will keep asking myself until that day comes when I choose to leave this world behind. So many people as they grow older after their families have moved away or for whatever other traumatic event or loss that has happened in their lives simply give up growing. They often become the recluses of this world.

This is my recipe for dealing with ageing for the present time, and I can see it lasting well into my 70’s. The question then is what about my 80’s? I am sure they will be more challenging, but I hope I will be able to deal with them in the same way with perhaps a few alterations. All I need to do is look at my husband who is now in his 80’s and showing no sign of slowing down. In fact, sometimes I think he’s becoming better as he ages, at least mentally and spiritually. His physical is beginning to show some wear, but he is still drug free except for a small dosage of blood pressure pills and doesn’t need any help in moving around. He has strong familial genes as does his sister who is just a few years behind him and still looks fabulous.

Hubby on his 80th birthday with sister, Margo.

Hubby and me two years ago in Turkey.

If I follow this recipe I know that there is no real guarantee that it will prolong my life and keep me disease free, but at least it will make whatever life I have left a whole lot happier and more at peace with myself and the world around me. It’s certainly something worth striving for, don’t you think? I would love to receive any comments you might have on this somewhat weighty subject.

Time Out for Mavillette Beach

September 23, 2015 / betstravelsabout / 3 Comments

One of the joys of retirement from full-time work is to have the freedom of simply taking off for the day to go wherever my heart tells me. I say ‘heart’ because it’s so easy to keep listening to what the ‘head’ has to say which might be something like this: ” You need to clean the house, do the wash, and weed the garden.” Fortunately, my heart took over and spoke out one beautiful, sunny day last week. It simply said, “You need to get away from the house and Victoria Beach and do something different. You need to go to Mavillette Beach!” Hubby had also been working very hard at his part-time job in Annapolis and needed a break, too, so I tentatively broached my idea to him sensing that he already had lined up a myriad of things to do on his day off. At first he was reticent to deviate from his pre-planned day; however, he quite quickly began to see the benefits of taking some time out of his schedule to accompany me. We quickly accomplished some of our ‘must dos’ and were ready to start out on our journey by noon.

To give you some idea of just where we were headed, I’ll attempt to draw you a verbal map. Mavillette Beach is in the Municipality of Clare on the southwestern coast of Nova Scotia along the Bay of Fundy between Digby and Yarmouth. It is approximately a two hour drive from Victoria Beach where we live. To get there we took Rte. 1 which follows the Fundy coast passing through the typically Acadian villages of St.Bernard, Belleveau Cove, Grosses Coques, Church Point, Comeauville, Saulnierville, Meteghan River, Meteghan, St. Alphonse, and finally, Mavillette.

When driving through this area so rich in the Acadian culture (which is really not so different from the French culture in Quebec) you might be tempted to stop at some of the villages to not only admire the beautiful Catholic churches, but to also absorb its vibrant culture. Here you can hear a mix of English, French, and Acadian being spoken with perhaps the opportunity to hear some rousing Acadian music. I had heard about a little chapel commemorating the arrival of the first Acadians at Grosses Coques in the mid 1700’s so wanted to make a stop along the way since we weren’t in any great hurry.

The site of this tiny chapel has a long history going back to the Mi’kmaqs who buried their dead here. At that time it was an island. In the fall of 1755, an Acadian by the name of Pierre Belleveau and about one hundred others were the first to arrive here by boat after escaping Port Royal and the British. Most of them never survived what was noted as one of the worst winters ever. Today the modest graveyard is marked with simple white crosses and the tiny chapel which is a memorial to these hardy souls who are presumed to be buried here. Belleveau and his group were the forerunners of many more expelled Acadians to settle there. They helped establish what has today become a thriving shipbuilding and fishing area.

Whenever we find ourselves down in Clare, we always stop at the Comeau Farm Market in Meteghan for some fresh produce, their baked goodies, and homemade jams. It’s also a great place to grab a quick lunch in case you haven’t had time to bring a picnic. Here you can treat yourself to that famous rappie pie which is the king of Acadian cuisine.

We arrived at Mavillette about 3 o’clock to find the beach almost deserted. I counted about a dozen people there on this 1.5 km. of hard-packed sand. However, we weren’t too surprised as it’s always this way – at least whenever we have been there. It’s one of the reasons we go because where else in this crowded world can you find an almost deserted beach with flat sand, dunes, and a boardwalk! We parked our beach chairs right at the steps leading down to the beach with our nearest neighbours at least 100 feet away.

The attraction of this beach for me is not to swim because the water is never warm. This is the Bay of Fundy and it’s cold! For me Mavillette is simply the perfect beach for walking, so with my camera at the ready, I started out. I walked the entire beach snapping pictures of everything in sight since I knew this would be the beginnings of my next post. I could feel the stresses of life melting away as I became totally immersed in what I was seeing and doing. The healing quality of the sea, the wind, and the sun (in other words Nature) was beginning to take its effect. How could I have spent the whole summer neglecting her, I wondered?

After walking the entire beach, I headed for the road leading into this Provincial Park drinking in the rich, fall- like colours of the wild rose bushes with their rose hips the size of crab apples, and the dunes covered in marram grass which holds the sand in place. Once more, except for the odd car, I had the whole road to myself. Far off in the distance, I could hear and see a large machine busily placing rocks at the end of a spit. Before leaving, we drove out to Cape St. Mary’s to see find out what was happening. It looked as though another wharf was being built. I hoped this was another sign of the prosperity of the fishing industry in this area. At the present wharf, the many fishing vessels tied up there created a charming picture in the twilight of the setting sun.

Before our journey back to Victoria Beach, we decided we would have dinner somewhere along the way. Our first choice was to check out La Cuisine Robichaud in Saulnierville on the off-chance that we might get a table without having a reservation. This is probably the most popular restaurant in all of Clare so we knew our chances were slim. The minute we walked in the door we came face to face with a group of musicians offering up what is commonly called an Acadian Kitchen Party. Unfortunately, we were stopping by on a Thursday evening when a musical gathering like this draws people from all over, so it was packed! The friendly waitress suggested we wait for a table, but an hour or more was just too much for our empty stomachs so we continued on eventually stopping at a small grill near St. Bernard for a fish chowder and fillets. The meal was good but not nearly so good as what we might have had at Robichaud’s.

As we drove home, we both agreed that taking time out to visit Mavillette Beach was a wise decision. In fact, every time I visit this part of our province, I always vow to come back more often. Not only is there this wonderful beach, but also a culture which is over 300 years old and still thriving. Yes, I will have to try harder to keep my promise.

The little chapel at Grosses Coques

Catholic church of St. Alphonse

Three flags – Canada, Nova Scotia, Acadian

Mavillette Beach

Pretty wave pattern

Crab shell

kelp

Rose hips

Dune covered with marram grass

Bird lookout tower

Cape St. Mary’s

Boats at anchor in St. Mary’s harbour

Building a new wharf

Mavillette Beach from Cape St. Mary’s

Church at Saulierville on the Clare shore

A Whirlwind Trip to Ontario and Quebec

August 30, 2015January 14, 2019 / betstravelsabout / 1 Comment

Why would anyone want to do such a trip in the middle of summer when temperatures are at their highest is probably the first question to come to your mind? It’s perfectly normal to want to see some of our great country when the weather is at it’s best but in the heat in just eight days? Well I admit this wasn’t my idea but Hubby’s.

It all had to do with his birthday in July which would have him turning 80! When he casually informed me back in early June of his grand scheme to celebrate with a trip up to Quebec and Ontario, my initial reaction was “Why not?” If that’s what he wanted then he deserved to celebrate this milestone with his family and close friends from his past. While he was away doing that I could get caught up on my writing and reading and try to keep my garden alive in the midst of our mini drought. Furthermore, I had the Saturday morning market to consider. I couldn’t just leave all my merchandise, and if I did who could I solicit to tend my table and sell my wares?

After some internal debate, I decided I would accompany him on his slightly hair-brained quest. I had found someone to water the garden and to tend my table at the market. Quite frankly I was a little worried about all that driving on his own, and besides my yen for travel was again beginning to surface. This trip held some other benefits for me, too. My daughter and her family could meet up with us in Montreal, and I could also see some old friends in Ontario. Hey, this “hair-brained” scheme was beginning to look better all the time.

We set out on August 6th, a Thursday, on one of those perfect summer days where the sky was a brilliant blue with puffs of fluffy white clouds on the horizon.

At the border of Nova Scotia and New Brunswick.

Fort Beausejour in Aulac, NB.

The temperature was in the low to mid 20’s. We decided to take the Canadian route up through New Brunswick and into Quebec choosing our first stop for a bed in the capital city of Fredericton. Here we found a great bargain at the Aiken House on the campus of UNB (University of New Brunswick). For our own private room and a delicious breakfast we paid $62.00. Everything was clean and comfortable for half the price of a hotel for this time of the year.

Stately Aiken House on the campus of UNB.

On our second day, we continued north on the Trans Canada stopping in Edmunston for lunch and then at the picture perfect town of Kamouraska on the St. Lawrence River. Here one finds the true flavour of a French Canadian village with its distinctive architecture and rolling farmland bordering on the mighty St.Lawrence. Whenever we drive up to Quebec, we have always stopped here for one of those truly delicious croissants or some other kind of mouth-watering pastry to take to our hosts where we are staying for the night.

Approaching Kamarouska, Quebec.

A typical French Canadian home.

So that night found us in Quebec City where we were treated to the wonderful hospitality of some of Hubby’s old friends. Even though they had eight family members already descending upon them, they insisted that we stay. They even had a birthday cake for us (I had celebrated my 70th just days ago)! Wine and stimulating conversation dominated that night and into the morning primarily from their children who all seem to have landed themselves super exciting jobs as a radio producer at CBC, a city planner for Vancouver, and a marketing aficionado for a windmill company. Hubby and I couldn’t help but marvel at how so many children and grandchildren could come together and have such fun together.

Quebec City with the Chateau Frontenac dominating.

Birthday cake #1.

The next day of more sun and delightful temperatures put us on the road to Montreal and the home of Hubby’s daughter and family where we also managed to meet up with my daughter and her family. That night we celebrated his 80th once again with his son and partner, one granddaughter, and two of his friends from his days of involvement with the Quebec Film Society. This was a night to remember for him as everyone was asked to give one word that would best sum up this colourful man. There were two words that kept popping up: ‘enthusiastic’ and ‘positive’. I couldn’t agree more. Even though at times his approach to life can be too rosy for my liking, in the end it’s better than having to live with one whose attitude is the opposite. Moreover, it’s what keeps him young if not in body but in spirit.

Birthday cake #2.

We spent one more day in Montreal just enjoying the coming together of our families who seemed to blend in with each other so well. They had all taken the time from their busy schedules to be with us to celebrate our milestone birthdays. A church service in a nearby Baptist church where Hubby had somehow managed to end up singing a solo, a lunch at Nick’s Place, a walk in a lovely Westmount park, and a delicious Japanese dinner rustled up by Hubby’s son-in-law were the highlights of this Sunday.

Singing his heart out!

My grandson having fun at the Westmount park.

Son-in-law showing off his culinary creations.

From Montreal we began our trip next day to the province of Ontario and the city of Burlington to visit Hubby’s sister. Having lived in this province for over 20 years, we were both dreading the drive along the 401 especially once we neared Toronto. We started off with another sunny day and delighted in the familiar scenery of the Thousand Island highway which we decided to take along the way to relieve ourselves of the boredom of the 401.

One of the Thousand Islands.

As we were approaching Toronto, the sky turned an ominous grey a prelude to the torrential downpour we would soon come face to face with once we got on to the 407. This was the first and only bad weather we experienced on our whole trip! By the time we reached Burlington, it had all cleared up. That night we celebrated Hubby’s birthday for the third time with his sister, brother-in-law, and their daughter and her family.

Celebrating this time with balloons.

With sister who also has the ‘Young Age’ gene.

The following day – another stunner with a clear blue sky and a comfortable temperature – took me to Georgetown to visit two dear friends from my past life in Ontario. We gathered in Cynthia’s beautiful garden for lunch accompanied by their two spouses and Cynthia’s grandson. Hubby wasn’t able to come since he had planned to meet up with an old friend and a cousin in Toronto. We all agreed it was just like times past and marvelled that we could still come together so easily to catch up with our fast-moving lives and share a few laughs.

Farm scene near Georgetown.

The three ‘old’ friends.

On the Wednesday of the 12th we had to head back home which was all too soon. By choosing the quickest and easiest route that would get us to the ferry in St. John on Friday for the 2:30 p.m. crossing, we opted for one of the routes plotted out by CAA taking us through the US. This route took us through New York state, into Massachusetts, part of New Hampshire, and finally into Maine. Although it might have been a tad quicker than the Canadian route we took to go up to Ontario, it was by no means the cheapest. With the sinking value of our dollar and the fact that we were travelling through the US on one of their busiest tourist weeks which drove up the price of accommodations and food, we spent far more than we had anticipated. Most of our journey found us on the toll roads which are exceptionally well-marked and maintained compared to our Nova Scotian roads. However, once the monotony of yet another service centre with tasteless fast food (the only good thing was the cappuccinos I was able to buy at MacDonald’s), we found ourselves seeking out a couple of small towns off the beaten track. Our first one was the town of Stockbridge in southern Mass, the home town of Norman Rockwell, which exemplifies the typical New England town.

Main street in Stockbridge, Mass.

Wishing we could have stayed here.

I wish we could have bunked down for the night in Stockbridge, but instead we decided to stay in Worster not too far away where surely we could find something under $100 and within our budget. Unfortunately, Hubby and I came way off the same page when it came to what and where we wanted to stay. After many wrong turns and screams from him who was starting to panic while we looked for the Econo- Lodge which appeared to be within the budget, we found ourselves back at the Quality Inn where we had begun. I think the nice chap on reception took pity on us for when we returned after failing to find the Econo- Lodge, he lowered our room price to a comfortable $80 with taxes and exchange.

After a night of too little sleep and a very unhealthy breakfast in my estimation, we got off to an early start making the decision to get off the toll road since we had made our reservation for the next night in Bangor at another Quality Inn for well above our budget at $190! I knew I could find something less on a back road somewhere, but to keep the peace of mind that Hubby insisted upon, I kept quiet. We made our first stop at Old Orchard Beach and the nearby village of Ocean Park Beach which is supposedly a bit more upscale, according to Hubby. Every summer he and his family would spend time at this beach so it was for ‘old time’s sake’ that we ventured in to walk the beach and have a good lunch. I had enough of the service centre food with their ridiculous prices.

Ocean Park Beach in Maine.

We also made a stop at Belfast and so pleased we did as it is one of the more quaint towns along the Maine coast. After wandering around the harbour taking a peek at all the huge yachts and poking into some of the cute boutiques, we settled on Darby’s Pub for a delicious dinner.

The harbour at Belfast.

Sunset outside Belfast.

Our last night on the road was fairly uneventful. The breakfast the next morning was slightly better than the night before with the addition of waffles that we made for ourselves. However, for good coffee, I had to hold off until we crossed the border back into Canada when we made a quick stop at St. George, NB. There we found their General Store where people were lined up at the door for their home-made sandwiches, baked goodies, and Java coffee which is roasted and sold in St. John. What a surprise for me because they do delicious flavoured coffees so I treated myself to their ” J’maka me crazy” flavour.

We made it to St. John in good time for the 2:30 crossing to Digby. We had to wait for more than an hour to drive on but once there we were in for a pleasant surprise. The new Fundy Rose had just been running for little more than a week so naturally we were anxious to see it, and we weren’t disappointed. I can honestly say it’s beautiful with tastefully decorated restaurants and sitting areas, an upper deck with a bar where passengers can sit outside and be close to the water. We had another beautiful day so it was very comfortable to sit there. If the weather is bad, then there is lots to do inside with two areas for up to date movies, a play area for the kiddies, and usually some kind of information session or entertainment. The day we crossed had a young lady performing some Celtic music. On a final note, the food prices are so much more reasonable than those we encountered in the US. There is no comparison to a $4.95 sandwich on the ferry and a $6.95 US one at a service centre on a toll road.

The Fundy Rose coming into St.John.

On the upper deck of the Fundy Rose.

As I look back on our 8-day whirlwind trip, I realise how good fortune once again reigned over us. We were blessed with good weather, no accidents or car break downs, wonderful families, and faithful friends. Not only was this the highlight of our summer, but also a time for reflection on the passage of time as we enter our later years. May we both be forever young if not in body but in spirit.

Travelling Solo or Not?

July 24, 2015January 14, 2019 / betstravelsabout / 9 Comments

We have finished another delicious dinner in the city of Hue in Viet Nam. We have paid our bill and thanked our waiters with a smile and a tip. I am leading the way out, making my exit on to the busy street cautiously merging into the chaotic pedestrian and motorbike traffic. I look behind to see how he is doing but see no sign of him. Thinking he got caught up in the crowd, I wait for him to catch up to me. Minutes pass but still no sight of him so I retrace my steps back to the restaurant. He couldn’t still be in there talking to someone after our agreement to leave and head back to our guest house, could he? Oh yes he could! There he is talking to a young couple totally oblivious that I am not anywhere around. Normally I would have joined in and participated in the usual conversation that travellers have when they meet for the first time. However, after a tiring day of sight-seeing, I had just wanted to climb into bed and have some time to myself, a desire I thought he had understood. Any patience I had left quickly evaporated once I got out the door for the second time because by now I was on the verge of committing murder or getting a divorce!

Three years have passed since this incident and fortunately Hubby and I are still alive and still married to each other. However, this restaurant episode served as a good learning experience for us when travelling together. Our independent natures often clash when we are together for a long periods of time especially when dealing with the challenges posed by visiting a foreign country. To keep them to a minimum, we have learned to put more time into communicating just what is or isn’t important to each of us which sometimes results in us going our separate ways for a while. Then, he can talk to all the people he wants, dispense with his map and rely on the locals for instructions on how to get from A to B, and go wherever he wants. I can wander freely looking in shops and out-of-the-way places and take lots of pictures. We both agree that temporary separation has been a good solution. When we come together again, we are more willing to compromise on any further contentious issues that might crop up.

The restaurant incident illustrates one of the so-called “bones of contention” we have had when travelling together. He gets great enjoyment out of engaging just about anyone who “looks interesting” (his words) in conversation, whereas I just want to keep focused on getting to our destination or to eat our meal without the usual preamble that takes place when meeting fellow travellers. On the other hand, one of the difficulties I have had when travelling alone was not feeling comfortable with striking up conversations with strangers. Oddly enough, I now find it much easier and often (but not always) rather rewarding to engage in conversations when I am on my own and sometimes even when we are together. We have learned from each other and have found a fairly comfortable balance on this issue.

There are benefits to both ways of travel but the more personally transforming has been my solo travel. Here are the three most important reasons for saying this:

Freedom – This has to be the best bonus to travelling alone especially as a married woman. I get to do whatever I want. This may sound selfish to some, but I have learned that until I take care of my needs first, I can’t be of any real use to others. Travelling solo has helped me realize this. For five months out of a year, I can happily relinquish my duties as chief cook and bottle washer, cleaning lady, and yard maintenance woman. I can choose to eat when, where, and what I want. No matter what I do I have only myself to answer to. Fortunately, Hubby feels the same way about this so has no problem letting me go off to do ‘my thing’ while he does ‘his thing’ in Florence, Italy. He feels very at home in Florence having spent a significant part of his early years there enhancing his singing career and immersing himself in the Italian culture which he loves. For the winter months I prefer and feel totally comfortable in the warm climate of Thailand and other SE Asian countries so have headed in that direction. This pattern has evolved over these past eight years and seems to suit our independent personalities for now.

Self Growth – Like so many women of my generation, who have struggled with the fear of doing something different which is more in tune with our true nature and not what others or society thinks we should do, I have solo travel to thank for helping me the most. Although a daunting venture at first when I made my first solo trip to India and Nepal three years ago, it was thee I had to overcome my fear. When I look back on this trip it was certainly the most stressful one I have ever taken but probably the one where I learned the most. While there, for some inexplicable reason, I felt a protective presence around me reassuring me that I was not alone. My posts “Incredible India” and “Adventures in Nepal” can fill you in on the details of that trip. Always interested in self-growth, I have participated in many workshops and seminars, as well as teaching courses on the topic, but none of this succeeded in increasing my confidence to the level that travelling solo has done. When on my own, all my focus is on being responsible to myself and not my classmates, students, or my husband. What better way is there to conquer fear and become more confident than by simply taking the plunge and doing it.? It’s much like learning to swim!

Doing what I love – My love for travel was sparked in my pre-teen years while reading the Vicki Barr books (Vicki was an airline stewardess) and the smattering of geography I received in school. In my early 20’s, I back packed to Europe for nearly a year with a few girlfriends. At that time, I would never have dreamed of doing it on my own as so many young women are doing today. Now in my senior years, I have rediscovered not only my love of travel and all the personal benefits that come with it, but also the enjoyment I receive from writing about it all. Travelling solo got me started in earnest with the writing and now allows me to do more than if I were with Hubby.

Of course, there are some cons for solo travel and they are

Loneliness – The battle of learning how to deal with loneliness which most likely will appear at the end of the day when you go out for dinner or come back to your room wanting to share your day with someone. At first, I experienced many days in succession living like this, but with my increased confidence in ‘breaking the ice’ and starting up conversations with fellow travellers and locals, the problem is waning. For me, it’s been a challenge to ask for help not only because I don’t speak the same language, but also in simply overcoming any feelings of pride and admitting I need the help. While travelling with Hubby in Morocco, I really began to appreciate his ease at speaking French which is widely spoken throughout the country and his asking directions which can be annoying but also helpful – at times!

Expense – As you would expect, it can be more expensive to travel solo especially for accommodations and moving around. In most countries a single person will pay the same rate for a decent size room as a couple. Some places will have a small single sized room or you can opt for a dormitory style guest house, but if you are looking for something for a long-term stay as I do when in Thailand, there is no choice except for a double room at double the price. In most cities, I have to pay full fare for taxis, tuk tuks, or whatever mode of transportation is offered. The one exception is the songtaew in Chiang Mai which operates like a bus with one fare per person.

I have discovered that the pros for travelling with a spouse are actually the cons for travelling alone. They are

Banishes loneliness – Having Hubby with me certainly eliminates any kind of loneliness. I always have a dinner companion and someone to bounce ideas off when making decisions on where to go and arranging transportation to get from one place to another. Two heads are sometimes better than one! It’s also somewhat comforting to be able to pass the reins of responsibility over to him so I can have a break from having to do it all myself.

Easier – There are some countries which are more stressful for female travellers than others. Thailand and SE Asia, for example, are relatively safe and easy. There certainly is little hassle from the male population. India and Morocco, on the other hand, can be somewhat problematic for women if they aren’t prepared for it. I was certainly stressed out once I had finished travelling to Delhi and the Taj Mahal in India, and probably would have found Morocco more challenging if I hadn’t had Hubby to speak French to the pushy cab drivers.

Less expensive – More choice and less cost for accommodations is definitely a plus when sharing a room with someone. Also as I mentioned above, you can cut your taxi fares in half, and sometimes reduce your food costs if you can agree on sharing certain dishes which would be far too large for one person. Unfortunately, Hubby and I have never been able to agree on this one. Not liking the idea of sharing, he would rather eat the whole thing whether he needs it or not.

Meet more people – Yes, I have to admit when I am with Hubby I do meet more people and especially young Europeans and locals. We met many from both groups while in Morocco this year – all were wise beyond their years and absolutely refreshing to talk to. It amazes me that they even want to spend time with us older folk but they do. Perhaps it’s because we both tend to be younger of heart and so can relate to them sometimes better than the older travellers.

Finally, the cons for travelling with Hubby are almost opposite to the pros for solo travel, and they are

Less freedom – Naturally, I don’t have the same kind of freedom I have when on my own. To achieve a little space from each other, we will often take a day to go off on our own to pursue our individual interests. This gives us a much-needed break so that when we get back together again, we are more open to compromising with each other.

Learn less – Because I don’t have to do all the planning or organizing or deal with other minor nuisances that come with travel in foreign countries, I tend to leave much up to him when we get together. As I already stated, although I have a nice break from these responsibilities, somehow I don’t feel as connected or learn as much as I do when on my own. I admit I become complacent!

Need for patience – Travelling with someone else also calls for oodles of patience and flexibility. As we get older, we are getting better at it. I am conscious of being more patient with him when he stops to talk, or when he takes forever to prepare for a day’s outing, or when simply walking along the street. He calls me the ‘energizer bunny’ but I think he goes too slow. Not surprising there has to be lots of ‘give and take’ around this. In all honesty, can I actually call this a con when it has helped me to be more patient and flexible, the two qualities of which I’ve not been overly endowed? Yes, there can be growth of a different kind when travelling with someone like Hubby.

I have concluded that for me it’s almost a draw when it comes to determining which mode of travel is better. There are definitely pluses and minuses for both. Of course, it helps when the person you are travelling with is your spouse because really who else do you know so well? A best friend can work if you know each other’s needs and personality quirks. I happen to like both modes of travel, but if for long periods of time or in more challenging countries, I would definitely prefer to have someone with me. That said, I do feel that I have been very lucky to have both ways at my disposal for as long as we can both travel. The question that remains is whether I could handle travelling completely on my own if ever circumstances should put me into such a dilemma?

This gallery of pictures is of our trip three years ago to Viet Nam where we mostly travelled together but did take a two-day break from each other. We were in Hanoi where I had visited the previous year on my own so he wanted time to explore and test out the new opera house there. I wanted to go further north to visit the Hilltribe village of Sapa. So we separated and joined up for a final trip together to Halong Bay.